What Money Can't Buy

This topic has been on my mind for some time now. Maybe it's because I've had over twenty-one years working with school children of varying ages. That, of course, involves working with their families to some extent. Maybe it's because I can compare what I had as I was growing up with what children have now. Or maybe (and I think this is it) I have watched the change in our society, and I think one of our major problems is worrying about giving children all the things money can buy, and not enough of what it can't.

And then last week, two tragedies-- a former student was found dead and a young mother at our church found life just too hard to handle. It brought to a head all these things that have run through my mind for so long. I could not help remember my student, a young man with so much potential and ability, putting his head in his hands one day and crying, saying "Nobody loves me. Nobody in this whole world cares about me." And I cannot help feeling that our young friend at church must have felt so overwhelmed at times, so desperate for help, and yet unable to go for her soul to be recharged.

So, this is my take on the world, its children, and the things that make it all work. It's my opinion, and you can do with it what you want. It's often been said that one person's opinion is another person's joke of the day.

Parents today worry too much about material things. Honestly, I think some parents use these "things" as substitute parents or babysitters. Children are allowed WAY too much freedom far too soon. Yes, I thought Mama and Daddy were far too strict when I was growing up, but as my children grew I found myself making the same type of choices and decisions. We didn't have everything we ever wanted, but we had the important things...things money can't buy.

Important Things to Give Your Child

• God's Message -- How important is this one! Don't you think children are more willing to believe, more willing to accept...without all the grown-up arguments and reasonings. That's why Jesus said that we must be like little children to enter the kingdom of God... have to become trusting and accepting. What we give our children through church and God's word takes care of them not only in this world, but in the next as well. What more can we want?
• Discipline -- Children want and need to know what the boundaries are. They want to know if you say what you mean and mean what you say. They want consequences...true, they may fuss about it. But discipline is one of the kindest things you can do for your child or any you are in charge of.
• Praise -- It is not ever enough to tell a child what he is doing wrong. Children puff up almost visibly when they are sincerely praised. Praise one child, and another in the room will turn himself inside out to do something as well.
• Work Ethic -- Children have to learn to work when they are young. There is no magic age in their lives when they say, "Ok, tomorrow is the day. I feel an insatiable urge to work, even though I've never done it before." No, if they do not learn the concept of work when they are young, the desire is almost impossible to instill. In my opinion, this is why children who have not graduated from high school, have yet to take the ACT, have not applied to college, and have a 1.8 grade point average make statements like, "I'm not working there. I need more money than that. I'll just wait until a better job comes along." Can you say "Undeserved Welfare"?
• Play Time -- As important as work is, so is play time. I am NOT talking about video games or brick breaker on your phone. I'm talking about tee ball on Sunday afternoon, pool time with the family, going on a hike to find worms and birds. I'm talking about vacations to kid-friendly spots where memories can be made. I'm talking about fishing with toddlers and hunting with elementary kids. I'm  talking about putting puzzles together and making play dough barns even when there are bills to pay and clothes to wash. Watch a child play...and learn a little something.
• Respect -- Children are miniature people. They are learning how to behave toward others by how they are treated. I believe they learn to respect others by being respected themselves. To speak kindly, to listen to their opinions, to adjust your guidelines if necessary as they grow older and become more mature.
• A Good Example -- We as parents can't be perfect. Goodness, there are so many moments I wish I could go back and do over. But we can be the best example in our power. We can respect our elders, by kind to those who need more than we do, work hard, pay our bills, play some, and demonstrate loyalty and faithfulness to God, family, and friends.
• Truth--Our children learn to tell the truth by listening to it. If they hear lies, they will learn that lies are the way to go. They will grow up not only lying themselves, but expecting others to lie for them to keep them from trouble. Give them truth...this may very well refer to the first item on the list.
• A Safety Net -- Robert Frost's poem "Death of a Hired Man" refers to home as "a place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." All children, no matter how old or grown up or independent, need to know there is a safe place at home they can go to be recharged. I cherish the times I can go to Mama and Daddy's, not to get away from my family, but to reaffirm myself, bask in their love, learn from them, laugh with them, and go home recharged and with a new and invigorated sense of purpose.

Think how strong our young people would be with these elements as a part of the fiber of their being. Imagine our world with respectful, hard-working people who know when to work and when to play. Envision a world of parents willing to parent, no matter what the distance, no matter what the need, no matter what the sacrifice. On second thought, don't just imagine...let's do it!!

Cory and Amber, may God grant you both the peace you both so desperately needed. Rest In Peace.