He wasn't a rocker -- he slept better when we just put him in his bed after he had been fed, bathed, and changed. I had to learn to be satisfied with need to be alone sometimes. Josh and Lauren had been cuddlers.
He had a need to know "why." Robert was not one who could function on "because I said so." I found it necessary to know why myself because it was a need on his part. It became a habit to say, "No, because....." rather than just "No."
He was an adventurer and loved excitement. When he was three, he set the field on fire and we had to call the fire department -- and he convinced them that I was the one who set the fire! He rode his bike down a logging road with a friend and I thought I would never find him. He hid in the dishwasher once and I found him only because he got tickled.
He loved to eat -- once he walked down to the restaurant behind our house (he was four or five), ordered his meal, and charged it to me! His seventh grade teacher had her math class calculate their calories for one weekend. We stopped Saturday night when Robert reached 7000---after getting up late and skipping breakfast! In a story that is famous at our church, he ate three large ribeye combos at a steakhouse while we were on a church trip. Oh yeah, he LOVED to eat!
He was a basketball player -- he loved shooting hoops so much that he got a half basketball court for his birthday. I had never been a basketball watcher, but to see Robert play was every bit as exciting as watching Josh play football or Lauren cheer. He collected posters of great basketball players, and he was so surprised one Christmas to open a framed poster of himself in the middle of a beautiful shot.
He was the child who taught me how to teach. I soon realized that few of my students were going to be as sweetly obedient as Josh and Lauren were. I would soon have many more "Roberts" under my teaching belt, and I truly believe that God allowed these three vastly different personalities to help me be my best.
Robert married Kandace right out of high school and Dylan was soon here. (Dylan has his own funny story -- he was thought to be a girl who would be named April until the moment he was born!) I worried that marrying so young and becoming a father so quickly would be a hindrance to Robert's going to school and becoming one who could take care of his family. I need not have worried. Robert used what looked like obstacles to some as stepping stones. That was a good thing, because Daniel followed ten months behind Dylan--and I saw the father Robert would be. When Daniel was rushed to the neonatal unit, Robert was right there, his strength and control so much like his daddy's.
Watching our own children become parents and observing their parenting skills has always been fun. Hopefully, we are seeing some of what we did with our own -- I say that because it is such a blessing to see our children playing with and teaching and helping their own. Robert often spent long hours playing ball with the boys, or taking them fishing, or taking them on trips to interesting places.
And then Kaylee came along -- Robert's little princess. He and Kandace named her Kaylee April -- Robert said naming her for his birthday month was the only way he would have a girl named after him. She truly became a daddy's girl, and she had him wrapped around his finger from the moment she looked at him. Kaylee had some scary moments too, and Robert went to the neonatal unit with her as well. Thankfully, her stay was not as long as Daniel's.
In record time-- he was twenty-one--Robert had graduated from college and had his own three children. He was good at his work and got a promotion that was unheard of for someone his age. Life was great -- and then his was over.
I will never forget that night. I had taught gymnastics and had not been home long. The phone rang and Kandace's mother's number came up on caller id. Robbie answered and did not say much until he hung up. Then is was just, "Robert's been in a wreck." I honestly can't remember talking any more. We jumped into shoes and jackets and got in the car. On the way, we called Josh and Lauren so they would know where we were. Robbie is a great driver, and in just minutes we were pulling up to the hospital. Kandace's mother came to meet us as we made our way into the emergency room. She began to speak, and in a way that I cannot explain, I knew what she was going to say: "He didn't make it."
There are moments from that week burned on my brain: seeing him in the emergency room; going to plan his funeral and pick out his casket; gathering the pictures for the slideshow; watching Robbie,Josh,David,Zack,Travis,and Will take care of him as his pallbearers; waking up on March 1st, the day of the funeral to SNOW, watching Josh and Robbie carry Dylan and Daniel so they could help carry their daddy; speaking to an incredible number of people about Robert; trying to remember to breathe.
It's been one year, eight months, three days, three hours, and seventeen minutes since we heard those words: "He didn't make it." I still have to remember to breathe. I still cry. I am getting to the point that I can remember and talk about funny things Robert did without dissolving EVERY time. We made it through all the holidays, including a very difficult Christmas. We can all see more and more of Robert in his children, especially the boys. I can talk to the kids about their daddy, to Grace about Uncle Bobo, and to my students about my boy. We have planted a tree in his name at school and named the gym at our church in his honor. He is still making a name for himself, one his family can be proud of.
Please pray for our family as we struggle with our grief, and for Robert's children as they grow into the fine young men and lady God is working on. Robert has been a part of our past, but he is in our future now, and I will be so happy to see him again!
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